a colored spectrum

Baci

indulging in sin now. having my 3rd piece of dark chocolate praline. yay!
c'mon, i live alone and there's no one else to stop me munching from them. Grandma excluded.
there's 3 left in the packet... enough for now. too much of sweet stuff puts me off...
Michele! u better claim your christmas prezzie soon before it vanishes into thin air!

what's it with chocolates and me?
i don't know... but i do remember that dark chocolates do contain a certain type of chemical that makes people feel happy. therefore, indulge in the death by chocolates. and cocoa compounds are regarded as aphrodisiacs by the ancient Inca civilizations... grind them into a paste with cinnomon and various spices, mix with hot water... and drink.

heh. love? i am loved all the time! i have a loving family, a loving boyfriend, and God!
going to church at 6pm later this evening, all the more a good reason to cheer up.

hmm... was reading my friend's blog just now. yepz, Xiao Jia's. ex AJC councillor.
she's a cool dancer yeah!
she was blogging about the pros and cons of being in a relationship.
being in one now... it made me think quite a bit.

on one hand, i've lost the absolute freedom to do anything i want and how i want it to be done; i face more pressures at home and in my studies; there's more burden and responsibilities meaning i cannot flirt anymore and neither can i club too often; there's increasing emotional stress; and i am held accountable to someone.

on the other hand, i know i am well loved, well taken care of and i have all of the attention of one man. i can count on him to watch movie with me; slack around with; drag out for dinner with; demand a hug as and when i want to be hugged; to cheer me up when i am down and depressed.

either way, the grass is greener on the other side.
my question here is, since his love and goodness cannot be taken for granted,
why should i put in as much as i am giving? considering the fact that, the only one person i trust best is myself.

if being single means that i get to enjoy a whole lot more freedom, feel no guilt to flirt with any guy and party, pursue my career wholeheartedly, and need not answer to ANYONE quite literally... would that be a whole lot better deal? as compared to loving him, trusting him, incorporating him into my life... only to realize that he is not an absolute advantage. meaning that his love and devotion is not absolute since we cannot predict future changes and developments?

see? this is what i mean when i say the grass is greener on the other side.
i start questioning myself. but one thing is quite certain, i am on this end of the pasture now, i'm gonna stick around here for quite a while.

this is a quote i borrowed from Xiao Jia's blog. she got them from Donald and i got them from her.
Donald, Thanks for the quote!

"If two past lovers still remain friends, they are are either still in love or they never were".

looking at the word Love in the later half of the sentence, i start to wonder...
is this Love the romantic love or the friendship love? what is Love?
is there even Love to start off with? or was it Lust?

either way, we won't ever know if we never loved the person or we do we still do love that past lover.

coz, if they both loved each other, then they won't have broken up unless absolutely neccessary. however, being together doesn't mean there was love too... it might have very well been a case of two lonely people in need of a good companion (i've seen this case too many a times.)
and after they broke up, it doesn't mean they are in love per se, but they still love the person as a companion, as a friend... but realistically speaking, they know that they cannot end up together for good. but maybe, like i've said, they were never in love.

how do you know whether you are in love or not anyway? there's no lab test for it...

and if the saying is true, then it is much easier to turn friendship into love, than love into friendship. right?

this i have quite a definite stand. it is easier to turn friendship into love, than love into friendship.
BUT, when friends become a couple and then they break up, chances are... they won't stay friends anymore.
when a couple gets together without having being friends, chances are when they break up, they won't stay friends either.

conclusion: since all these were caused by human, each cause and outcome was controlled by human factor. since human factors were and stilol are the most unpredictable factors... then... the causes and outcomes cannot be predicted. therefore, relationships are meant to be like television advertisments, to entertain us but not to muddle up our lives, distracting us from our 'main focus'. but anyway, how can i make such discouraging statements since i am in a relationship myself? my bottomline is, i've not given up this relationship, i am happy how things are running, trying to improve things in here. but whatever it is, i will not seek to bend things according to my interest. let God take the driver's seat.

like Michele said "Hedonism is such a draw. enjoy, why bother about why, and how, and what, if all they do is lessen your pleasure?"

i am not a person who likes to think particularly too much... having fallen in love and falling apart too many times too often... i had enough of relationships and its excess baggage to bog my life down. thus, i tend to be rather careless and carefree these days. hardly am i caught in a dilema due to the lack of choices or the excess of it. coz i tend to focus on decisions which are crucial for me to make, everything else is not important. gone are the confusing days where my mind's a spinning ball of yarn, and i walk around with a knotted stomach.

having seen life change so much around me especially in my family. the last 4 years were our hardest times. i've learnt that sitting back and talking is easy. talk is cheap. but getting one's ass up and putting plans into actions is difficult. there'll be days of sweet gains and days of downfalls... whatever life throws at you, catch it.

Fear drives me to go on. i can't stand people who are afraid to take risk and settle on a cushy life.
with risks comes rewards, with rewards come risk. choose the way you wnat your life to be.

posted by Veen @ 01:56